The Key to Happiness

Recently, I took a family trip to New York. We had the incredible opportunity to take a tour of Ground Zero from two people who were personally affected by the tragedy that took place on September 11, 2001. One man, Ray, lost his wife in the towers that day, and the other guide, Kimberly, worked on the recovery efforts from the first days of the attack to the end of the recovery, and to this day she is still the family liaison for all of those affected. Ray's story was an incredibly sad one. He stood in the window of a large building that faced the grounds where new construction was taking place, where ten years ago, thousands had died, and told us the story of his wife's passing. He was out with a friend when he got the news of the first crash, and he immediately called his wife's cell phone. It went to voicemail.
The plane went into the building between the 93rd and 99th floor. Ray's wife was on the 99th floor. He went home and waited, and told himself that if she didn't come home that night, he knew she was gone.
She never came home.
I believe it was a few months later before he got the phone call that some remains of his wife were found, and needed to be identified. He said his only wish was that she didn't feel any pain, and "from the remains [he] saw that day, it was fast and painless." The saddest part of the story: she wasn't even supposed to be in the towers that day. The whole thing could have been avoided if she choose not to go to work.
Ray's story was an incredible one, heart-wrenching and tear inducing. I thank him every day after that tour for sharing his story with me, and teaching me the importance of being grateful for every day I have on this earth.
Kimberly's story was a little different. Thankfully, she did not have any people extremely close to her lost in the attack. That day, she was actually supposed to be working on the 99th floor, as she is a journalist and worked in the towers periodically, but was sent to another office instead. After she heard of the news, she immediately called Red Cross and asked how she could help. She was placed on a waiting list, and was told she'd be contacted when she could be put to work. She waited a small amount of time without receiving a call, but decided to go down to the Red Cross office herslef as it was taking far too long in her eyes. She learned that she was actually put on the wrong list, and was then put right to work on the site. Kimberly worked in an eight foot by eight foot plywood shack, identifying each person as they entered the site, making sure they had the credentials to be there. She explained that a good day was when you found remnants of people that were considered identifiable. A better day was when they found a complete body to be identified. The best days were when the person was identified by the family, who could then have a proper funeral. Each body was brought out on a stretcher draped with an American flag because it was the most respectful thing they could do for them, and when asked why not that person's flag of their home country, it was explained that their origin could not be determined with just looking at them, because of the damage done.
She also shared the story of a specific firefighter from station ten, which still stands feet away from the sidewalks that once surrounded the World Trade Center. He got the emergency calls on his radio while he was off-duty, and immediately turned his vehicle towards the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel. As he tried to make his way back into the city, there wasn't traffic being permitted to get through. Instead of giving up, he put on each piece of his heavy gear and took off running through the tunnel, about 5k, and was picked up by a fire truck at the end of the tunnel. Stephen Siller later lost his life when the tower he was working to save others in collapsed. Now there is a 5k run every year in his honor called the Tunnel to Towers Run.
Kimberly's story was also an impeccable, life-changing one. She demonstrates the power of helping, healing, and giving. She didn't need to be down at the site for the eight and a half months that she was. She chose to.
While walking back to the museum, we noticed a bandage wrapped around Kimberly's ankle and foot. She explained that it was "World Trade Center Foot," and that no one has identified the true cause or condition. She also mentioned that there were specific doctors for 9/11 victims that she could consult, but that she would not see one because "it would take away from a victim that truly needed their help more than [she] would," and that "if that's the only injury [she] suffers, [she] can live with it." It's incredible to me that a person with an unidentified injury selflessly gives up the option to see a doctor about it so another can get help. I've never met people who cared so much more about others, than themselves.
Both of these people gave so much to others. Ray gave his wife, and Kimberly gave her time and health.
However, their story was not over. We were lucky enough to have the opportunity to sit and continue our discussion with them after the tour was complete. We discussed numerous topics, and then the topic turned to this particular blog. I explained that my mission was to teach others how to obtain and maintain happiness, as well as a confident lifestyle. We discussed it for a while, and then left the topic alone as it turned to other discussions. At one point, my father told both Ray and Kimberly that they were extraordinary people, who put everything on hold to help other people, and that to him that was so incredible. They immediately began to deny his words, which in my mind only proved my dad's point further: They both give and give so much, and care so much about other people, that they don't even realize how much they do for others. They truly were two of the most exceptional people I had ever met. Meeting them was an eye-opening and remarkable experience, one the provoked me to think about everything that I'm grateful for, and to appreciate life and others.
As we began to say our goodbyes, both Ray and Kimberly extended an offer to me so appreciated and unexpected. They told me that anytime I was in the city, and I ever needed anything, to call. For two people to give me that option who I've known for only a few hours was another mind-boggling thing to me, and again only heightened my respect and understanding for their natural caring nature. All they want to do is help others. For them, I am extremely appreciative.
I felt that their story needed to be told, as each and every day they told the stories of everyone else - people lost, the brave men and women who put their lives in danger to help others - but never took the time to mention themselves. I believe they deserve recognition, they deserve their moment, and their time. They continue to tell all of us what brave and exceptional people everyone in the towers were, but true exceptionalism is spread by those still on this earth, telling us the stories that the others cannot. People like Ray and Kimberly.
One of the final things Ray said to me as we exited the room was, "You want to know the true key to happiness? It's finding something you love doing, and doing that for the rest of your life. That's the key to happiness." He remembered what I said about my blog.
And those words will stick with me through the rest of my life.

Body Image

Body image is an issue becoming more and more prominent in today’s society, though it is not a new issue at all. Eating disorders, extreme dieting, and other self-inflicted situations are all terrible effects of a negative body image. Everywhere we look we see beautiful people: billboards, television, magazines, etc. There is no escaping the incredibly thin, waiflike models. More times than not, images and advertisements are geared towards the younger age groups, from children to young adults. They’re at a stage in life where they’re most impressionable, and any ideas sold to them will be willingly taken in and tried. Teens today strive for perfection: grades, beauty, sports, relationships – they want it all. With all the stress placed upon them throughout the day, the last thing young adults need to be stressing out about is weight and beauty. This goes for all age groups.

Again confidence ties into all of this. Confidence in yourself allows you to choose and decipher what the best choices are for you. With confidence, you’re able to look in the mirror and see yourself as beautiful. I know it’s incredibly difficult sometimes to get other’s hurtful comments out of your head, but when you look in the mirror, you should see a beautiful person, because that’s what you are. I know, easier said than done. Everyone, from the most confident to the most self-conscious, struggle with body image whether they admit it or not. Especially in today’s world, the struggle for perfection is becoming increasingly obvious with the extremes people are taking to appeal to other’s perception of beauty. You just have to come to terms with your body, and understand and accept everything about you. Once you come to the realization that you are the way that you are for a specific reason, you will hopefully come to another realization – every single person in this world is beautiful, including yourself.
Starting from the incredibly early years of existence, there was always certain standards and distinct features that signified beauty. In the Renaissance times, women would pluck their hairlines back to make their foreheads appear larger, and wore headdresses and hats. Because blonde hair was considered beautiful and signified a high class person, people went through numerous procedures trying to lighten their hair to the desired color. During the Victorian and Edwardian ages, pale, red cheeked and red lipped, curvy bodies in fixed corsets was what were considered beautiful. In the 18th century, women would crimp and curl their hair which they powdered white and decorated with bows. Extremely high, volumous hair was sought after. During the Victorian ages, women tried a more laid back and natural style, avoiding makeup unless necessary for the stage or of a higher class. These ideas evolved in the twenties though, and the new standards included athletic builds, strong eyebrows, shorter dresses, bobbed hair, flesh colored stockings, red cheeks and red lipstick. The twenties became the first era where women began looking to actresses and people within the media for style and body standards, although women dating back to the Renaissance looked upon political leaders, such as Kings and Queens, for fashion standards. In the forties, women began to grow out their hair and tanned their skin. With the fifties came smaller amounts of clothing, thick liquid black eyeliner, eye shadow that created the coveted “doe eyed” look, perfectly coiffed hair, curvaceous and voluptuous toned bodies, petit waists and higher heels. Hips were “in.” The ideal woman was the pin-up woman, with a delicate baby face and perfect body with just the right amount of curves. The seventies brought about long easy and relaxed curled hair, glossy lips, bronzed skin, punk styles as well as hippie styles. Eighties hair was volumous, hair was dyed and colored unnatural tones, makeup became increasingly heavy, neon tones were incredibly popular in everything from makeup to clothes and preppy styles also began to make an appearance. In the nineties, model Kate Moss began extreme controversy over her incredibly thin figure. Grungy looks became more popular, and less makeup was preferred. Hairstyles like the “Rachel” became the hottest trend. Style had become more and more diverse among every woman.
As the information above highlights, the ideas of beauty are constantly changing. Women do unnatural, and sometimes harmful, things to their bodies and features to appear more beautiful to others, and forget about what is beautiful to them. You never have to change yourself to appear better looking or more trendy to others. People will love you regardless of what you wear and how you look, and if they can’t get past the superficial and unrealistic standards of beauty, then they’re not worth your time. You never have to live up to someone else’s standards or expectations, and you never have to make yourself look like another person who is more popular or looked upon as a stylish person.

You are beautiful.

Sources:
“History of Beauty,” http://www.ukhairdressers.com/history%20of%20beauty.asp
Retro Housewife, “Retrospective Beauty and Cosmetics,” http://www.retro-housewife.com/1950-beauty-and-cosmetics.html
Delia Deleest, “Standards of Beauty: The 1920s, A Fashion Revolution,” http://unusualhistoricals.blogspot.com/2007/11/standards-of-beauty-1920s-fashion.html
Nanci Hellmich, “Do Thin Models Warp Girls' Body Image,” http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2006-09-25-thin-models_x.htm.

Alone

When you think you’re standing alone, you’re actually surrounded by a sea of others, waiting to lend a helping hand. You are never alone in this world. It doesn't matter what your past is, and prior decisions don't have any affect. There will always be someone there for you. It could be a stranger or a family member, a friend or a teacher. The important thing is, there is always someone willing and ready to care for you and help you. I know there are times that you may feel as if you can't be helped, and that maybe there isn't another solution. Maybe you've resorted to thinking that other options may make your life easier. In all honestly, there is nothing that makes your life easier than you confronting your own issues and problems, and solving them as they arise. Running away from them will never help you, it only proves to make your issues worse. Take the situation in your own hands, and do what you know is right to make things better.
Who you surround yourself with makes a great effect on you. If the people you hang around are negative and draining, once you part ways, you're probably left feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. Try scouting for friends that lift you up rather than bring you down. They will add an essential positive aspect to your day, and lead you to routinely think happy thoughts.
Confidence in yourself allows you to see that people really do enjoy being around you. It makes you realize that you are not alone, and that you never need someone to be constantly with you to make you a better person. You never need a second person to define you. Being yourself is always enough.
Don't be afraid to open up to people who wish to listen. Sharing your thoughts can be a huge outlet for your emotions, whether it be through art, talking, writing, sports or any other outlet that allows you to share with others what you may be holding inside. It's a good idea to exercise a couple of these activities, because the more you get out of your system, the happier you are. Find your "happy place" - physically or emotionally. If thinking of your ideal place helps you to calm down so you're able to reassess your situation, do it. If physically going somewhere to let yourself ponder your thoughts and possible solutions helps you make it through, then do that. Whatever it is that helps you, don't be afraid to perform the task often.
 

 Remember, there are always bright moments on a cloudy day, but you have to open your eyes to see them.

Sources:
Alison Finch, "Fed Up With Feeling Alone?," http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Finch3.html
jadoremaamour.tumblr.com

"No"

Never back down. Don’t ever stop trying because someone told you “no.” Don’t ever stop trying because someone told you “yes,” and then let you down. Don’t ever stop trying, because the second you stop is the second that your dreams fall away.
I think a part of us always knows what we want.
But, how do we get there?
For a while, I didn’t know how to answer my own question. It was like this huge puzzle with a thousand missing pieces. And then, I just started somewhere. You have to work for things in this world. As we grow, the competition becomes greater and greater. If we stop trying, for even a second, that could be it. We fall behind and there is no catching up. This is just how the world works. But, if you push through, the good and the not so good - because the bad doesn’t exist - you will find yourself coming out on the other side. The great side.
Achieving your dream will never be an easy feat, but it is always attainable. Don't wait for that ideal time, as soon as an opportunity presents itself, put everything you have into it, and fight for all that you want. The more you try to get to that goal, the easier and more likely it becomes. Practice is essential, and can be done in all sorts of ways that pertain to your aspirations.
As I said before, reaching your goals won't be easy, in fact, it will most likely be the hardest thing you've ever done, but also the most rewarding. Don't ever give up, no matter how hard it becomes, and no matter how many times it hasn't worked out. You have to keep your attitude up and your confidence level in yourself extremely high to push past the pressures and expectations set on you by others. Don't stop until you've reached that point of ultimate accomplishment that you've set for yourself.
For most people, it takes years to reach their dreams. It's not always a short process, and there are numerous obstacles that are likely to present themselves along the way. You'll learn to solve problems, and if you're not able to, you'll notice yourself taking a step back to assess the situation and figure out the best solution for yourself. Before you know it, you're back on track again, and one step closer to those dreams of yours.

Sources:
Donald Latumahina, http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/achieving-your-dream-how-to-take-the-first-step.html

What If?

I heard something the other day that really made me think. It was in a movie that I had gone to see, twice, and some of you may actually recognize this. She said: “The two words ‘what’ and ‘if’ are two of the most non-threatening words in the English language. But, place them together and you have two words that could haunt you for the rest of your life.” I don’t know about you, but I have made a concious effort throughout my life to be able to refrain from using these two words, one before the other, in a sentence. I never want to have to look back on my life and think about all of the “what if’s.” I want to accomplish everything I aspire to, and I’d like to participate in as many things as I can, so there is never a moment in my life that I’ll regret, wish I did differently, or hope that it was the correct way to go about things. The words “what” and “if” truly are daunting words, words that can either make you regret not doing something you desperately wish you had, or make you stop doing what you wish you could. Whatever it is, don’t let two little non-threatening words stand in your way. Do whatever it is that you would like, because life is something that continues to pass so quickly, that if you don’t do whatever it is now, in a year or two, there won’t be time to do it anymore. Responsibility grows with the numbers of age, which means there’s less time to do the little things you want to as a kid if you put them off for too long because you’re afraid. Don’t ever be afraid to be yourself. People like a challenge, they like hearing two sides of a story, and believe it or not, constantly agreeing with them isn’t always what they want. Speaking for myself, I want to hear your opinion, not mine, not your parents’, and certainly not your friends’. It’s so much easier to trust and admire a person when they’re honest with themselves and happy with the person they are.

Why?

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” Proust
If things have become redundant and you’re searching for something new, but you’re not finding it, perhaps you are looking in the wrong areas, or with the wrong point of view. Take a situation you’re in now. Maybe it’s not going exactly the way you pictured, or the way you would have liked. You need a new outlook. If something is not making you happy, the hardest thing for a person to do is ask themselves, “why”? Why is this so hard for me? Why is this not working out?
The reason it’s so hard for us to ask such a simply put but difficult question is because this question provokes an answer - an answer that usually requires us to change a few things about ourselves. Doing the extra work to make things a bit different can make everything okay again. Sometimes it’s hard to admit defeat, and admit that you’re wrong. But, the thing is, if you admit that you are the person that’s wrong, but you make the extra moves to create a “right,” you’re already smarter and better-off than 95% of the other people out there. Admitting you’re wrong is not a weakness. It’s not a bad thing and it’s not a tragedy. The ones willing to say someone else was correct are the ones that will be considered more relatable, more humane, and more influential. They’re the strong ones, the intelligent ones.
They’re the people to look up to.
Admitting you may be incorrect does not make you a weak or bad person, it does not mean you have failed in any way, and does not mean that you are inadequate. Many people believe that being wrong means they've failed themselves or others. The most important thing to realize is that nothing you do ever fails, unless you look at is as just that. You have the opportunity to make whatever you want of the situation. You can look at your efforts as mistakes, or you can view them as honest tries that just didn't work out in your favor, and therefore you begin again. The fact of the matter is, it's an honest human thing that all of us go through.
Every one makes mistakes. The wonderful thing about mistakes though, is that almost all of them can be corrected with effort. Not many things in this world are permanent, and almost all actions can be undone in one way or another. Make mistakes, learn the correct way to do things and never repeat the mistakes again. Making mistakes could actually be looked at as a positive way to learn new things about situations, as well as yourself. It's all a part of living and experiencing every thing this world has to offer.
The absolute worst thing about being afraid to fail is that it leads you directly into this "failure" that you're so paranoid to confront. Because of your fear, you keep yourself from trying, and that alone keeps you from opportunities and the ability to expand who you are and you're knowledge of all situations.
Every successful person has made numerous decisions in their lives that could be looked at as one of two things, depending on your personality. They can be either a failure, or a learning experience. The successful ones never quit - they viewed their experiences as a change to learn something new, and they took that knowledge with them to conquer what it was that they set out to succeed in. What makes a well-rounded successful person is the ability to pick yourself up and try again. Don't ever admit defeat, because then you'll never fail.

Sources:
Ryan Allis, http://www.woopidoo.com/articles/allis/mistakes-article.htm