The Key to Happiness

Recently, I took a family trip to New York. We had the incredible opportunity to take a tour of Ground Zero from two people who were personally affected by the tragedy that took place on September 11, 2001. One man, Ray, lost his wife in the towers that day, and the other guide, Kimberly, worked on the recovery efforts from the first days of the attack to the end of the recovery, and to this day she is still the family liaison for all of those affected. Ray's story was an incredibly sad one. He stood in the window of a large building that faced the grounds where new construction was taking place, where ten years ago, thousands had died, and told us the story of his wife's passing. He was out with a friend when he got the news of the first crash, and he immediately called his wife's cell phone. It went to voicemail.
The plane went into the building between the 93rd and 99th floor. Ray's wife was on the 99th floor. He went home and waited, and told himself that if she didn't come home that night, he knew she was gone.
She never came home.
I believe it was a few months later before he got the phone call that some remains of his wife were found, and needed to be identified. He said his only wish was that she didn't feel any pain, and "from the remains [he] saw that day, it was fast and painless." The saddest part of the story: she wasn't even supposed to be in the towers that day. The whole thing could have been avoided if she choose not to go to work.
Ray's story was an incredible one, heart-wrenching and tear inducing. I thank him every day after that tour for sharing his story with me, and teaching me the importance of being grateful for every day I have on this earth.
Kimberly's story was a little different. Thankfully, she did not have any people extremely close to her lost in the attack. That day, she was actually supposed to be working on the 99th floor, as she is a journalist and worked in the towers periodically, but was sent to another office instead. After she heard of the news, she immediately called Red Cross and asked how she could help. She was placed on a waiting list, and was told she'd be contacted when she could be put to work. She waited a small amount of time without receiving a call, but decided to go down to the Red Cross office herslef as it was taking far too long in her eyes. She learned that she was actually put on the wrong list, and was then put right to work on the site. Kimberly worked in an eight foot by eight foot plywood shack, identifying each person as they entered the site, making sure they had the credentials to be there. She explained that a good day was when you found remnants of people that were considered identifiable. A better day was when they found a complete body to be identified. The best days were when the person was identified by the family, who could then have a proper funeral. Each body was brought out on a stretcher draped with an American flag because it was the most respectful thing they could do for them, and when asked why not that person's flag of their home country, it was explained that their origin could not be determined with just looking at them, because of the damage done.
She also shared the story of a specific firefighter from station ten, which still stands feet away from the sidewalks that once surrounded the World Trade Center. He got the emergency calls on his radio while he was off-duty, and immediately turned his vehicle towards the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel. As he tried to make his way back into the city, there wasn't traffic being permitted to get through. Instead of giving up, he put on each piece of his heavy gear and took off running through the tunnel, about 5k, and was picked up by a fire truck at the end of the tunnel. Stephen Siller later lost his life when the tower he was working to save others in collapsed. Now there is a 5k run every year in his honor called the Tunnel to Towers Run.
Kimberly's story was also an impeccable, life-changing one. She demonstrates the power of helping, healing, and giving. She didn't need to be down at the site for the eight and a half months that she was. She chose to.
While walking back to the museum, we noticed a bandage wrapped around Kimberly's ankle and foot. She explained that it was "World Trade Center Foot," and that no one has identified the true cause or condition. She also mentioned that there were specific doctors for 9/11 victims that she could consult, but that she would not see one because "it would take away from a victim that truly needed their help more than [she] would," and that "if that's the only injury [she] suffers, [she] can live with it." It's incredible to me that a person with an unidentified injury selflessly gives up the option to see a doctor about it so another can get help. I've never met people who cared so much more about others, than themselves.
Both of these people gave so much to others. Ray gave his wife, and Kimberly gave her time and health.
However, their story was not over. We were lucky enough to have the opportunity to sit and continue our discussion with them after the tour was complete. We discussed numerous topics, and then the topic turned to this particular blog. I explained that my mission was to teach others how to obtain and maintain happiness, as well as a confident lifestyle. We discussed it for a while, and then left the topic alone as it turned to other discussions. At one point, my father told both Ray and Kimberly that they were extraordinary people, who put everything on hold to help other people, and that to him that was so incredible. They immediately began to deny his words, which in my mind only proved my dad's point further: They both give and give so much, and care so much about other people, that they don't even realize how much they do for others. They truly were two of the most exceptional people I had ever met. Meeting them was an eye-opening and remarkable experience, one the provoked me to think about everything that I'm grateful for, and to appreciate life and others.
As we began to say our goodbyes, both Ray and Kimberly extended an offer to me so appreciated and unexpected. They told me that anytime I was in the city, and I ever needed anything, to call. For two people to give me that option who I've known for only a few hours was another mind-boggling thing to me, and again only heightened my respect and understanding for their natural caring nature. All they want to do is help others. For them, I am extremely appreciative.
I felt that their story needed to be told, as each and every day they told the stories of everyone else - people lost, the brave men and women who put their lives in danger to help others - but never took the time to mention themselves. I believe they deserve recognition, they deserve their moment, and their time. They continue to tell all of us what brave and exceptional people everyone in the towers were, but true exceptionalism is spread by those still on this earth, telling us the stories that the others cannot. People like Ray and Kimberly.
One of the final things Ray said to me as we exited the room was, "You want to know the true key to happiness? It's finding something you love doing, and doing that for the rest of your life. That's the key to happiness." He remembered what I said about my blog.
And those words will stick with me through the rest of my life.

Body Image

Body image is an issue becoming more and more prominent in today’s society, though it is not a new issue at all. Eating disorders, extreme dieting, and other self-inflicted situations are all terrible effects of a negative body image. Everywhere we look we see beautiful people: billboards, television, magazines, etc. There is no escaping the incredibly thin, waiflike models. More times than not, images and advertisements are geared towards the younger age groups, from children to young adults. They’re at a stage in life where they’re most impressionable, and any ideas sold to them will be willingly taken in and tried. Teens today strive for perfection: grades, beauty, sports, relationships – they want it all. With all the stress placed upon them throughout the day, the last thing young adults need to be stressing out about is weight and beauty. This goes for all age groups.

Again confidence ties into all of this. Confidence in yourself allows you to choose and decipher what the best choices are for you. With confidence, you’re able to look in the mirror and see yourself as beautiful. I know it’s incredibly difficult sometimes to get other’s hurtful comments out of your head, but when you look in the mirror, you should see a beautiful person, because that’s what you are. I know, easier said than done. Everyone, from the most confident to the most self-conscious, struggle with body image whether they admit it or not. Especially in today’s world, the struggle for perfection is becoming increasingly obvious with the extremes people are taking to appeal to other’s perception of beauty. You just have to come to terms with your body, and understand and accept everything about you. Once you come to the realization that you are the way that you are for a specific reason, you will hopefully come to another realization – every single person in this world is beautiful, including yourself.
Starting from the incredibly early years of existence, there was always certain standards and distinct features that signified beauty. In the Renaissance times, women would pluck their hairlines back to make their foreheads appear larger, and wore headdresses and hats. Because blonde hair was considered beautiful and signified a high class person, people went through numerous procedures trying to lighten their hair to the desired color. During the Victorian and Edwardian ages, pale, red cheeked and red lipped, curvy bodies in fixed corsets was what were considered beautiful. In the 18th century, women would crimp and curl their hair which they powdered white and decorated with bows. Extremely high, volumous hair was sought after. During the Victorian ages, women tried a more laid back and natural style, avoiding makeup unless necessary for the stage or of a higher class. These ideas evolved in the twenties though, and the new standards included athletic builds, strong eyebrows, shorter dresses, bobbed hair, flesh colored stockings, red cheeks and red lipstick. The twenties became the first era where women began looking to actresses and people within the media for style and body standards, although women dating back to the Renaissance looked upon political leaders, such as Kings and Queens, for fashion standards. In the forties, women began to grow out their hair and tanned their skin. With the fifties came smaller amounts of clothing, thick liquid black eyeliner, eye shadow that created the coveted “doe eyed” look, perfectly coiffed hair, curvaceous and voluptuous toned bodies, petit waists and higher heels. Hips were “in.” The ideal woman was the pin-up woman, with a delicate baby face and perfect body with just the right amount of curves. The seventies brought about long easy and relaxed curled hair, glossy lips, bronzed skin, punk styles as well as hippie styles. Eighties hair was volumous, hair was dyed and colored unnatural tones, makeup became increasingly heavy, neon tones were incredibly popular in everything from makeup to clothes and preppy styles also began to make an appearance. In the nineties, model Kate Moss began extreme controversy over her incredibly thin figure. Grungy looks became more popular, and less makeup was preferred. Hairstyles like the “Rachel” became the hottest trend. Style had become more and more diverse among every woman.
As the information above highlights, the ideas of beauty are constantly changing. Women do unnatural, and sometimes harmful, things to their bodies and features to appear more beautiful to others, and forget about what is beautiful to them. You never have to change yourself to appear better looking or more trendy to others. People will love you regardless of what you wear and how you look, and if they can’t get past the superficial and unrealistic standards of beauty, then they’re not worth your time. You never have to live up to someone else’s standards or expectations, and you never have to make yourself look like another person who is more popular or looked upon as a stylish person.

You are beautiful.

Sources:
“History of Beauty,” http://www.ukhairdressers.com/history%20of%20beauty.asp
Retro Housewife, “Retrospective Beauty and Cosmetics,” http://www.retro-housewife.com/1950-beauty-and-cosmetics.html
Delia Deleest, “Standards of Beauty: The 1920s, A Fashion Revolution,” http://unusualhistoricals.blogspot.com/2007/11/standards-of-beauty-1920s-fashion.html
Nanci Hellmich, “Do Thin Models Warp Girls' Body Image,” http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2006-09-25-thin-models_x.htm.

Alone

When you think you’re standing alone, you’re actually surrounded by a sea of others, waiting to lend a helping hand. You are never alone in this world. It doesn't matter what your past is, and prior decisions don't have any affect. There will always be someone there for you. It could be a stranger or a family member, a friend or a teacher. The important thing is, there is always someone willing and ready to care for you and help you. I know there are times that you may feel as if you can't be helped, and that maybe there isn't another solution. Maybe you've resorted to thinking that other options may make your life easier. In all honestly, there is nothing that makes your life easier than you confronting your own issues and problems, and solving them as they arise. Running away from them will never help you, it only proves to make your issues worse. Take the situation in your own hands, and do what you know is right to make things better.
Who you surround yourself with makes a great effect on you. If the people you hang around are negative and draining, once you part ways, you're probably left feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. Try scouting for friends that lift you up rather than bring you down. They will add an essential positive aspect to your day, and lead you to routinely think happy thoughts.
Confidence in yourself allows you to see that people really do enjoy being around you. It makes you realize that you are not alone, and that you never need someone to be constantly with you to make you a better person. You never need a second person to define you. Being yourself is always enough.
Don't be afraid to open up to people who wish to listen. Sharing your thoughts can be a huge outlet for your emotions, whether it be through art, talking, writing, sports or any other outlet that allows you to share with others what you may be holding inside. It's a good idea to exercise a couple of these activities, because the more you get out of your system, the happier you are. Find your "happy place" - physically or emotionally. If thinking of your ideal place helps you to calm down so you're able to reassess your situation, do it. If physically going somewhere to let yourself ponder your thoughts and possible solutions helps you make it through, then do that. Whatever it is that helps you, don't be afraid to perform the task often.
 

 Remember, there are always bright moments on a cloudy day, but you have to open your eyes to see them.

Sources:
Alison Finch, "Fed Up With Feeling Alone?," http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Finch3.html
jadoremaamour.tumblr.com

"No"

Never back down. Don’t ever stop trying because someone told you “no.” Don’t ever stop trying because someone told you “yes,” and then let you down. Don’t ever stop trying, because the second you stop is the second that your dreams fall away.
I think a part of us always knows what we want.
But, how do we get there?
For a while, I didn’t know how to answer my own question. It was like this huge puzzle with a thousand missing pieces. And then, I just started somewhere. You have to work for things in this world. As we grow, the competition becomes greater and greater. If we stop trying, for even a second, that could be it. We fall behind and there is no catching up. This is just how the world works. But, if you push through, the good and the not so good - because the bad doesn’t exist - you will find yourself coming out on the other side. The great side.
Achieving your dream will never be an easy feat, but it is always attainable. Don't wait for that ideal time, as soon as an opportunity presents itself, put everything you have into it, and fight for all that you want. The more you try to get to that goal, the easier and more likely it becomes. Practice is essential, and can be done in all sorts of ways that pertain to your aspirations.
As I said before, reaching your goals won't be easy, in fact, it will most likely be the hardest thing you've ever done, but also the most rewarding. Don't ever give up, no matter how hard it becomes, and no matter how many times it hasn't worked out. You have to keep your attitude up and your confidence level in yourself extremely high to push past the pressures and expectations set on you by others. Don't stop until you've reached that point of ultimate accomplishment that you've set for yourself.
For most people, it takes years to reach their dreams. It's not always a short process, and there are numerous obstacles that are likely to present themselves along the way. You'll learn to solve problems, and if you're not able to, you'll notice yourself taking a step back to assess the situation and figure out the best solution for yourself. Before you know it, you're back on track again, and one step closer to those dreams of yours.

Sources:
Donald Latumahina, http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/achieving-your-dream-how-to-take-the-first-step.html

What If?

I heard something the other day that really made me think. It was in a movie that I had gone to see, twice, and some of you may actually recognize this. She said: “The two words ‘what’ and ‘if’ are two of the most non-threatening words in the English language. But, place them together and you have two words that could haunt you for the rest of your life.” I don’t know about you, but I have made a concious effort throughout my life to be able to refrain from using these two words, one before the other, in a sentence. I never want to have to look back on my life and think about all of the “what if’s.” I want to accomplish everything I aspire to, and I’d like to participate in as many things as I can, so there is never a moment in my life that I’ll regret, wish I did differently, or hope that it was the correct way to go about things. The words “what” and “if” truly are daunting words, words that can either make you regret not doing something you desperately wish you had, or make you stop doing what you wish you could. Whatever it is, don’t let two little non-threatening words stand in your way. Do whatever it is that you would like, because life is something that continues to pass so quickly, that if you don’t do whatever it is now, in a year or two, there won’t be time to do it anymore. Responsibility grows with the numbers of age, which means there’s less time to do the little things you want to as a kid if you put them off for too long because you’re afraid. Don’t ever be afraid to be yourself. People like a challenge, they like hearing two sides of a story, and believe it or not, constantly agreeing with them isn’t always what they want. Speaking for myself, I want to hear your opinion, not mine, not your parents’, and certainly not your friends’. It’s so much easier to trust and admire a person when they’re honest with themselves and happy with the person they are.

Why?

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” Proust
If things have become redundant and you’re searching for something new, but you’re not finding it, perhaps you are looking in the wrong areas, or with the wrong point of view. Take a situation you’re in now. Maybe it’s not going exactly the way you pictured, or the way you would have liked. You need a new outlook. If something is not making you happy, the hardest thing for a person to do is ask themselves, “why”? Why is this so hard for me? Why is this not working out?
The reason it’s so hard for us to ask such a simply put but difficult question is because this question provokes an answer - an answer that usually requires us to change a few things about ourselves. Doing the extra work to make things a bit different can make everything okay again. Sometimes it’s hard to admit defeat, and admit that you’re wrong. But, the thing is, if you admit that you are the person that’s wrong, but you make the extra moves to create a “right,” you’re already smarter and better-off than 95% of the other people out there. Admitting you’re wrong is not a weakness. It’s not a bad thing and it’s not a tragedy. The ones willing to say someone else was correct are the ones that will be considered more relatable, more humane, and more influential. They’re the strong ones, the intelligent ones.
They’re the people to look up to.
Admitting you may be incorrect does not make you a weak or bad person, it does not mean you have failed in any way, and does not mean that you are inadequate. Many people believe that being wrong means they've failed themselves or others. The most important thing to realize is that nothing you do ever fails, unless you look at is as just that. You have the opportunity to make whatever you want of the situation. You can look at your efforts as mistakes, or you can view them as honest tries that just didn't work out in your favor, and therefore you begin again. The fact of the matter is, it's an honest human thing that all of us go through.
Every one makes mistakes. The wonderful thing about mistakes though, is that almost all of them can be corrected with effort. Not many things in this world are permanent, and almost all actions can be undone in one way or another. Make mistakes, learn the correct way to do things and never repeat the mistakes again. Making mistakes could actually be looked at as a positive way to learn new things about situations, as well as yourself. It's all a part of living and experiencing every thing this world has to offer.
The absolute worst thing about being afraid to fail is that it leads you directly into this "failure" that you're so paranoid to confront. Because of your fear, you keep yourself from trying, and that alone keeps you from opportunities and the ability to expand who you are and you're knowledge of all situations.
Every successful person has made numerous decisions in their lives that could be looked at as one of two things, depending on your personality. They can be either a failure, or a learning experience. The successful ones never quit - they viewed their experiences as a change to learn something new, and they took that knowledge with them to conquer what it was that they set out to succeed in. What makes a well-rounded successful person is the ability to pick yourself up and try again. Don't ever admit defeat, because then you'll never fail.

Sources:
Ryan Allis, http://www.woopidoo.com/articles/allis/mistakes-article.htm

The Little Things

Being missed is a message to you saying that you were able to leave a lasting impression on people. You made an impact big enough on someone else's life that they can feel the difference when you’re not there. You left with a bundle of assets that made you stand out. You made a difference. Sometimes, it’s a difference for people that you didn’t even know you effected. Sometimes, you’re unaware until you do something that pushes them to tell you. And other times, well, other times you just don’t know. Whoever you are, whatever you do, and however you’re feeling, it may just add to your day to know that to someone in this world, you’re making an impact.
Add a few things to your to-do list; things like smiling at someone, helping someone else out, holding a door, offering a few words of wisdom, complimenting five people honestly and with meaning - all of these things that may seem so insignificant to you, but huge to another.
When that other person goes home at night, and someone asks them how their day was, they will have more to say than just, “fine,” and you gave them those extra words. Making a difference for others, makes a difference for you.
We all love to have our days made.
A lot of times, finding happiness for yourself means creating happiness for someone else - hence the post about making other's days a little brighter. Seeing affects of your words reflecting positively back through others really heightens your emotions, and can put you in the greatest of moods. The spreading of positivity is the essence of creating a happier you. In fact, the more people demonstrating an optimistic attitude, the more likely you will too.
We have a tendency to reflect the emotions of others around us. I'm sure you know the saying, "You are who you surround yourself with." That includes actions as well as feelings.
A positive, light-hearted group of friends is the best solution for a bad attitude. When you spend enough time around them, you begin to channel the same emotions, and your attitude begins reflecting their own. Though you never want to be a "follower," honestly feeling happy because another person's attitude had the ability to change your day, is a great thing.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
-Robert Brault

Sources:
http://en.thinkexist.com/

"no."

With each day you create a changing future. Think about it. During every day, you make these decisions. Choices. What you decide to put in your coffee, which muffin you bought at the bakery, how long it took you to get to wherever you were going.. they all make some sort of difference, whether it be the amount of creamer making you gain another two pounds, or deciding to grab the chocolate muffin instead of the bran one. As I brought this to my own attention, it made me think that while in between making those little decision, big ones are placed within my day without my knowledge. Each day we chose a path for ourselves, the new direction in which we take in our journey of life. Now these paths are literally the road to our future, I know - epic cliché- but it’s so true. When they tell you to think about each and every decision before you make it, they’re actually serious. Thinking is your most valuable, admirable trait.. I advise you to use it. Now, about the title. The path I’d like to chose for my future is filled with people who have made it their job to tell me “no.” In fact, there is always going to be that person telling you you’ll never be able to do what you wish, ignore them and any stereotypes involved in your aspirations. The people and stereotypes are completely irrelevant, half of the time the person telling you these things wishes they had the courage to do what you’re doing.
My parents are those people that will always be there for me, telling me in their own special way that I can and will accomplish whatever it is I’d like to. Even if it isn’t spoken, and they’re saying the opposite, the truth is in their eyes. You know what they say, the eyes are the windows to your soul. What I’m trying to say, is that for those thousands that are going to tell you no, there’s always at least one that’s going to tell you to go for it, and fight so incredibly hard to get there. The one that acts as your cheerleader is the one you should be listening to. Always keep that positive outlook on your life, and always do what you want, and what you feel is right in your heart. I don’t care if they say your heart doesn’t make the decisions, they’re wrong. Your heart leads you through and through, each and every day, telling you what you want, and what’s right for you. Listen, because it’ll always be on your side.

change.

I believe sometimes we all get a little too set in our ways, and we may not be open enough to change. With writing, sometimes you need a new approach, or a different way to go about things.. and life is the same.

Approaches. Usually when you make an approach, it’s something new, something significant or small, but either way, you’re making a change. How we make them, and how they’re received. These two factors can change everything. If you don’t go about things in the right way, or you jump to conclusions, the problem you may have been trying to sort out is only going to get bigger. Take your time, wait for what it is you’re trying to express to become clear in your mind before speaking out. Sit back and observe. The key word for all of this, is think. Wait it out, it pays in the end.
Doing something you never knew or thought you could, and doing it successfully, is so gratifying. How do you know what the right thing to do is? You don’t. You have to look inside your own soul and really search out the reasons for your endeavors. Why did you choose this path or make this decision? Only you may know, and if you don’t, but you do it anyway - you always knew it was the right choice in your heart.
Change is an amazing power that you possess. It is something that keeps life fresh and interesting, confusing and wonderful. Change is not something to be feared, but embraced. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing; great changes happen everyday. Don’t be afraid to try something new, adopt a new style or switch up your attitude from time to time.
Keep people guessing, predictability isn’t what we’re aiming for.
Just recently I had to choose my own path. I had absolutely no idea what to expect, or what I was getting into, but you do it anyways, because change is great, and being comfortable with change is what makes successful people.
Luckily, I have an on-going love affair with change.
Sometimes you’re anxious, sometimes you’re worried and wondering, “Is this really the best choice for me”? You play this game, back and forth, leaving yourself confused with what you really want. But not once do you do anything about it.
You know.
You know what you are doing was the beneficial route for yourself, the one you were always meant to take.
The thing is though, knowing you’re right doesn’t always make it any easier.
In fact, many times, doing the best and right thing is incredibly hard.
If it were easy, more people would be doing it.
In the end though, it pays off, and your heart was always the one that said “yes,” even as you may have told it “no.” That’s a good way to lead our lives, though. Do what your entire being thinks it should, and hope it’s what you really wanted. If it’s not, things can be easily mended and changed back,
no matter how difficult it may seem. Chances are, your ending is perfect, and now you’re off to a perfect beginning.

Being able to change and make a difference in your life that you've probably become comfortable in is a sign that you're very sure of yourself, and you know that no matter the outcome of your new endevour, you will still be the same person in the end. Many people are not okay with changes, big or small, and they become worried with the slightest mention of doing something differently than what they're used to. People can't seem to become comfortable with changing things up, and according to research, many times that's due to low self-esteem. People are so afraid of failure, and not liking the outcome, that they won't even take the chance and give change a try. But with hardwork and fevor, you really can work through these worries, and break down that taunting walls of fear so you can just go for it, and not worry because whatever new thing you've just done, may be undone just as easily.

It is possible to love change, you have to find the strength within yourself to be okay with the outcome, and then take that first step with class, grace, confidence and positivity. It's most likely so much easier than you may think it is. Don't be afraid to love change, and embrace a few mistakes here and there, because that's what makes us better human beings.

Sources:

zenhhabits.net/25-killer-actions-to-boost-your-self-confidence/

Confidence

Confidence has everything to do with who you are and how you lead your life. Those of us with it, know it, and we know the difference it makes in our lives. Those of you without it, realize it, but you may not understand why. Research shows that there are many reasons for low self-esteem: early childhood, relationships, parents, friends, teachers, weight, beauty, opinions, and about a million other things I could list off. There are so many contributing factors, things that we come up against every, single day. Some are within our control, and others we either learn to ignore, learn to live with, or allow to bring us down. Throughout every day, there will always be one person who is trying to bring you down. Whether that person be a friend, close or not, a family member, a co-worker or a complete stranger, it doesn’t matter. These people could be the reason for a bad day, or worse, lowered confidence. You have the power to either allow these people to completely take over your life, or to choose to be a bigger person, and allow their problems to control their owns lives, not yours.
I wrote an English paper on the subject a little while back, and I’m going to pull some things from it now. The effects of a low, and high, self-esteem are evident in every culture, and every place. If you take a look through your local grocery store, place of education or work, or any other place with people roaming about, you will find a large amount of populace with downcast eyes and slumped shoulders. These are both signs of an individual who is uncomfortable with possibly who they are or what they have to offer. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people are no longer interested in what it is that makes others feel good or bad about themselves. We’re surrounded by technology and eager ears and eyes, all awaiting juicy gossip and harsh words to be spread about concerning one person or the next. We live in a time with a lacking of compassion and thoughtfulness, a time when people think less about what’s coming out of their mouths and more about voicing their hurtful opinions to those willing to listen. Today’s world is a harsh one, and it’s quickly taking its toll.

Self-image is the way one views oneself. It’s the way you carry yourself, the way your chin is held high, your eyes straightforward and your shoulders tall. Having confidence is a large part of success, because having confidence in yourself means others can as well.

A person’s idea of themselves begins accumulating at an incredibly young age. As a child, you begin to hear comments; comments that most don’t realize you understand, but you essentially comprehend just fine. Parents, teachers and peers begin noticing things like beauty, IQ, race, gender, and even weight.

Speaking without thinking could quite possibly be the worst attribute of any society. Having little or no confidence leads to you constantly questioning yourself, and asking if what others are saying is true. Constantly pestering yourself with hurtful thoughts eventually leads to you believing the untrue classifications that others are slowing pushing into your head.

Sharing your thoughts and feelings with those that are going through the same types of issues may form a basis off of which you can build up your confidence level, as well as a friendship.

There are many ways to go about trying to improve your thoughts about yourself. A solution that is proposed often is thinking positive and maintaining a happy, "the glass is half full" type of outlook on life. The way a person views the world has everything to do with the way he or she feels on the inside. Another possible solution is taking a class on confidence and poise. These classes focus on teaching you specifics about how to gain confidence and how to perfectly carry yourself. Great posture is another part of confidence; it’s the image you project when you walk in the room, the ultimate first impression. The way you carry yourself tells a person a lot about you. The spiteful people will see your head down and shoulders low, and this will be an instant signal that you are an easy target - someone that they can easily bring down because you’re going to allow them to, and as a result, they’re going to feel better about themselves. Focusing on and fixing your posture will instantly make you appear a confident, happier and stronger person. These are temporary solutions that with a little work can change the course of your life and inflict a positive outcome on your world. Having confidence takes constant effort, but it is attainable. Learning how to accept and love yourself for who you are is the beginning of others following suit.

Self-image is one of the largest challenges primarily faced by today’s youth and adults. Having a positive outlook has provided people with something good to focus on and think about, rather than contemplating the bad and the negative parts of their day. Poise and confidence classes have also proven effective. The skills and teachings are taught in class and then carried out into the ”real world” where they are hopefully demonstrated daily by the students and passed on to others wondering the secret to such a divine, articulate and sure person.

My solutions to the issue may be to create a list of attainable goals and dates by which they are to be completed. While you would have to be a very self-motivated person to complete this task, it seems that it may make a positive effect if someone does, in fact, follow through. Setting goals gives you something to work towards, focus on, and fight for. Not to mention, something to look forward to.

Goals and deadlines aren’t something to be feared, they’re something to drive you to work harder and push past life’s difficulties so you come out on top.

Another solution is to stop comparing ourselves to other people. Whether it’s your parents, siblings, friends, popular celebrities or anyone else, we all need to stop evaluating the things that are alike and different. We are all different people, with individual traits, passions and qualities. Some things come easier for others, and we all need to find those few things that are ours. There are always one or two skills that an individual is really skilled at, and whether it takes a week or a lifetime to figure it out, the expertise is always there, waiting to be found out.

Lastly, and most importantly in my eyes, is learning how to smile and laugh. A smile is one of the best things a person has to offer. It’s beautiful and infectious. An honest smile fills you with a happiness on the inside, and pleasantness on the outside. It projects a light to the rest of the world, and gives you the ability to brighten up others lives just by the quick twitch of your lips. A hearty laugh is another contagious tone. Laughing is healthy. It’s a great thing to be able to laugh, and not exercising one’s right to it, should be a crime. Smiling and laughing are two things that are guaranteed to make you happy in an instant, and confidence won’t be trailing far behind.

Sources:
Rogers, T.B., Kuiper, N.A., Kirker, W.S. “Self-Reference and the Encodings of Personal Information,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1977): 35, 677-688.

Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, Effects of Low Self-Esteem, http://www.stresscenter.com/mwc/depression-causes/effects-of-low-self-esteem.html.

The Cleveland Clinic Foundation, Fostering a Positive Self-Image, http://my.clevelandclinic.org/healthy_living/mental_health/hic_fostering_a_positive_self-image.aspx.

 Mayo Clinic Staff, Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5 steps, http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129

Perera, Karl, Self Image - what does it mean?, http://www.more-selfesteem.com/selfimage.htm

Jeanty, Jacquelyn, The Effects of Low Self-Esteem in Children, http://www.ehow.com/about_5389685_effects-low-selfesteem-children.html

Albo, Bonny, Low Self Esteem and How It Affects Dating Relationships, http://dating.about.com/od/confidenceselfesteem/qt/lowselfesteem.htm

McCullough, Ashbridge, Pegg, The Effect of Self-Esteem, Family Structure, Locus of Control, and Career Goals on Adolescent Leadership Behavior, http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2248/is_n115_v29/ai_16423322/.

Perera, Karl, "The Web's Premier Source of Information on Self Esteem," http://www.more-selfesteem.com/