Confidence

Confidence has everything to do with who you are and how you lead your life. Those of us with it, know it, and we know the difference it makes in our lives. Those of you without it, realize it, but you may not understand why. Research shows that there are many reasons for low self-esteem: early childhood, relationships, parents, friends, teachers, weight, beauty, opinions, and about a million other things I could list off. There are so many contributing factors, things that we come up against every, single day. Some are within our control, and others we either learn to ignore, learn to live with, or allow to bring us down. Throughout every day, there will always be one person who is trying to bring you down. Whether that person be a friend, close or not, a family member, a co-worker or a complete stranger, it doesn’t matter. These people could be the reason for a bad day, or worse, lowered confidence. You have the power to either allow these people to completely take over your life, or to choose to be a bigger person, and allow their problems to control their owns lives, not yours.
I wrote an English paper on the subject a little while back, and I’m going to pull some things from it now. The effects of a low, and high, self-esteem are evident in every culture, and every place. If you take a look through your local grocery store, place of education or work, or any other place with people roaming about, you will find a large amount of populace with downcast eyes and slumped shoulders. These are both signs of an individual who is uncomfortable with possibly who they are or what they have to offer. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people are no longer interested in what it is that makes others feel good or bad about themselves. We’re surrounded by technology and eager ears and eyes, all awaiting juicy gossip and harsh words to be spread about concerning one person or the next. We live in a time with a lacking of compassion and thoughtfulness, a time when people think less about what’s coming out of their mouths and more about voicing their hurtful opinions to those willing to listen. Today’s world is a harsh one, and it’s quickly taking its toll.

Self-image is the way one views oneself. It’s the way you carry yourself, the way your chin is held high, your eyes straightforward and your shoulders tall. Having confidence is a large part of success, because having confidence in yourself means others can as well.

A person’s idea of themselves begins accumulating at an incredibly young age. As a child, you begin to hear comments; comments that most don’t realize you understand, but you essentially comprehend just fine. Parents, teachers and peers begin noticing things like beauty, IQ, race, gender, and even weight.

Speaking without thinking could quite possibly be the worst attribute of any society. Having little or no confidence leads to you constantly questioning yourself, and asking if what others are saying is true. Constantly pestering yourself with hurtful thoughts eventually leads to you believing the untrue classifications that others are slowing pushing into your head.

Sharing your thoughts and feelings with those that are going through the same types of issues may form a basis off of which you can build up your confidence level, as well as a friendship.

There are many ways to go about trying to improve your thoughts about yourself. A solution that is proposed often is thinking positive and maintaining a happy, "the glass is half full" type of outlook on life. The way a person views the world has everything to do with the way he or she feels on the inside. Another possible solution is taking a class on confidence and poise. These classes focus on teaching you specifics about how to gain confidence and how to perfectly carry yourself. Great posture is another part of confidence; it’s the image you project when you walk in the room, the ultimate first impression. The way you carry yourself tells a person a lot about you. The spiteful people will see your head down and shoulders low, and this will be an instant signal that you are an easy target - someone that they can easily bring down because you’re going to allow them to, and as a result, they’re going to feel better about themselves. Focusing on and fixing your posture will instantly make you appear a confident, happier and stronger person. These are temporary solutions that with a little work can change the course of your life and inflict a positive outcome on your world. Having confidence takes constant effort, but it is attainable. Learning how to accept and love yourself for who you are is the beginning of others following suit.

Self-image is one of the largest challenges primarily faced by today’s youth and adults. Having a positive outlook has provided people with something good to focus on and think about, rather than contemplating the bad and the negative parts of their day. Poise and confidence classes have also proven effective. The skills and teachings are taught in class and then carried out into the ”real world” where they are hopefully demonstrated daily by the students and passed on to others wondering the secret to such a divine, articulate and sure person.

My solutions to the issue may be to create a list of attainable goals and dates by which they are to be completed. While you would have to be a very self-motivated person to complete this task, it seems that it may make a positive effect if someone does, in fact, follow through. Setting goals gives you something to work towards, focus on, and fight for. Not to mention, something to look forward to.

Goals and deadlines aren’t something to be feared, they’re something to drive you to work harder and push past life’s difficulties so you come out on top.

Another solution is to stop comparing ourselves to other people. Whether it’s your parents, siblings, friends, popular celebrities or anyone else, we all need to stop evaluating the things that are alike and different. We are all different people, with individual traits, passions and qualities. Some things come easier for others, and we all need to find those few things that are ours. There are always one or two skills that an individual is really skilled at, and whether it takes a week or a lifetime to figure it out, the expertise is always there, waiting to be found out.

Lastly, and most importantly in my eyes, is learning how to smile and laugh. A smile is one of the best things a person has to offer. It’s beautiful and infectious. An honest smile fills you with a happiness on the inside, and pleasantness on the outside. It projects a light to the rest of the world, and gives you the ability to brighten up others lives just by the quick twitch of your lips. A hearty laugh is another contagious tone. Laughing is healthy. It’s a great thing to be able to laugh, and not exercising one’s right to it, should be a crime. Smiling and laughing are two things that are guaranteed to make you happy in an instant, and confidence won’t be trailing far behind.

Sources:
Rogers, T.B., Kuiper, N.A., Kirker, W.S. “Self-Reference and the Encodings of Personal Information,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1977): 35, 677-688.

Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, Effects of Low Self-Esteem, http://www.stresscenter.com/mwc/depression-causes/effects-of-low-self-esteem.html.

The Cleveland Clinic Foundation, Fostering a Positive Self-Image, http://my.clevelandclinic.org/healthy_living/mental_health/hic_fostering_a_positive_self-image.aspx.

 Mayo Clinic Staff, Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5 steps, http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129

Perera, Karl, Self Image - what does it mean?, http://www.more-selfesteem.com/selfimage.htm

Jeanty, Jacquelyn, The Effects of Low Self-Esteem in Children, http://www.ehow.com/about_5389685_effects-low-selfesteem-children.html

Albo, Bonny, Low Self Esteem and How It Affects Dating Relationships, http://dating.about.com/od/confidenceselfesteem/qt/lowselfesteem.htm

McCullough, Ashbridge, Pegg, The Effect of Self-Esteem, Family Structure, Locus of Control, and Career Goals on Adolescent Leadership Behavior, http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2248/is_n115_v29/ai_16423322/.

Perera, Karl, "The Web's Premier Source of Information on Self Esteem," http://www.more-selfesteem.com/