The Key to Happiness

Recently, I took a family trip to New York. We had the incredible opportunity to take a tour of Ground Zero from two people who were personally affected by the tragedy that took place on September 11, 2001. One man, Ray, lost his wife in the towers that day, and the other guide, Kimberly, worked on the recovery efforts from the first days of the attack to the end of the recovery, and to this day she is still the family liaison for all of those affected. Ray's story was an incredibly sad one. He stood in the window of a large building that faced the grounds where new construction was taking place, where ten years ago, thousands had died, and told us the story of his wife's passing. He was out with a friend when he got the news of the first crash, and he immediately called his wife's cell phone. It went to voicemail.
The plane went into the building between the 93rd and 99th floor. Ray's wife was on the 99th floor. He went home and waited, and told himself that if she didn't come home that night, he knew she was gone.
She never came home.
I believe it was a few months later before he got the phone call that some remains of his wife were found, and needed to be identified. He said his only wish was that she didn't feel any pain, and "from the remains [he] saw that day, it was fast and painless." The saddest part of the story: she wasn't even supposed to be in the towers that day. The whole thing could have been avoided if she choose not to go to work.
Ray's story was an incredible one, heart-wrenching and tear inducing. I thank him every day after that tour for sharing his story with me, and teaching me the importance of being grateful for every day I have on this earth.
Kimberly's story was a little different. Thankfully, she did not have any people extremely close to her lost in the attack. That day, she was actually supposed to be working on the 99th floor, as she is a journalist and worked in the towers periodically, but was sent to another office instead. After she heard of the news, she immediately called Red Cross and asked how she could help. She was placed on a waiting list, and was told she'd be contacted when she could be put to work. She waited a small amount of time without receiving a call, but decided to go down to the Red Cross office herslef as it was taking far too long in her eyes. She learned that she was actually put on the wrong list, and was then put right to work on the site. Kimberly worked in an eight foot by eight foot plywood shack, identifying each person as they entered the site, making sure they had the credentials to be there. She explained that a good day was when you found remnants of people that were considered identifiable. A better day was when they found a complete body to be identified. The best days were when the person was identified by the family, who could then have a proper funeral. Each body was brought out on a stretcher draped with an American flag because it was the most respectful thing they could do for them, and when asked why not that person's flag of their home country, it was explained that their origin could not be determined with just looking at them, because of the damage done.
She also shared the story of a specific firefighter from station ten, which still stands feet away from the sidewalks that once surrounded the World Trade Center. He got the emergency calls on his radio while he was off-duty, and immediately turned his vehicle towards the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel. As he tried to make his way back into the city, there wasn't traffic being permitted to get through. Instead of giving up, he put on each piece of his heavy gear and took off running through the tunnel, about 5k, and was picked up by a fire truck at the end of the tunnel. Stephen Siller later lost his life when the tower he was working to save others in collapsed. Now there is a 5k run every year in his honor called the Tunnel to Towers Run.
Kimberly's story was also an impeccable, life-changing one. She demonstrates the power of helping, healing, and giving. She didn't need to be down at the site for the eight and a half months that she was. She chose to.
While walking back to the museum, we noticed a bandage wrapped around Kimberly's ankle and foot. She explained that it was "World Trade Center Foot," and that no one has identified the true cause or condition. She also mentioned that there were specific doctors for 9/11 victims that she could consult, but that she would not see one because "it would take away from a victim that truly needed their help more than [she] would," and that "if that's the only injury [she] suffers, [she] can live with it." It's incredible to me that a person with an unidentified injury selflessly gives up the option to see a doctor about it so another can get help. I've never met people who cared so much more about others, than themselves.
Both of these people gave so much to others. Ray gave his wife, and Kimberly gave her time and health.
However, their story was not over. We were lucky enough to have the opportunity to sit and continue our discussion with them after the tour was complete. We discussed numerous topics, and then the topic turned to this particular blog. I explained that my mission was to teach others how to obtain and maintain happiness, as well as a confident lifestyle. We discussed it for a while, and then left the topic alone as it turned to other discussions. At one point, my father told both Ray and Kimberly that they were extraordinary people, who put everything on hold to help other people, and that to him that was so incredible. They immediately began to deny his words, which in my mind only proved my dad's point further: They both give and give so much, and care so much about other people, that they don't even realize how much they do for others. They truly were two of the most exceptional people I had ever met. Meeting them was an eye-opening and remarkable experience, one the provoked me to think about everything that I'm grateful for, and to appreciate life and others.
As we began to say our goodbyes, both Ray and Kimberly extended an offer to me so appreciated and unexpected. They told me that anytime I was in the city, and I ever needed anything, to call. For two people to give me that option who I've known for only a few hours was another mind-boggling thing to me, and again only heightened my respect and understanding for their natural caring nature. All they want to do is help others. For them, I am extremely appreciative.
I felt that their story needed to be told, as each and every day they told the stories of everyone else - people lost, the brave men and women who put their lives in danger to help others - but never took the time to mention themselves. I believe they deserve recognition, they deserve their moment, and their time. They continue to tell all of us what brave and exceptional people everyone in the towers were, but true exceptionalism is spread by those still on this earth, telling us the stories that the others cannot. People like Ray and Kimberly.
One of the final things Ray said to me as we exited the room was, "You want to know the true key to happiness? It's finding something you love doing, and doing that for the rest of your life. That's the key to happiness." He remembered what I said about my blog.
And those words will stick with me through the rest of my life.

Alone

When you think you’re standing alone, you’re actually surrounded by a sea of others, waiting to lend a helping hand. You are never alone in this world. It doesn't matter what your past is, and prior decisions don't have any affect. There will always be someone there for you. It could be a stranger or a family member, a friend or a teacher. The important thing is, there is always someone willing and ready to care for you and help you. I know there are times that you may feel as if you can't be helped, and that maybe there isn't another solution. Maybe you've resorted to thinking that other options may make your life easier. In all honestly, there is nothing that makes your life easier than you confronting your own issues and problems, and solving them as they arise. Running away from them will never help you, it only proves to make your issues worse. Take the situation in your own hands, and do what you know is right to make things better.
Who you surround yourself with makes a great effect on you. If the people you hang around are negative and draining, once you part ways, you're probably left feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. Try scouting for friends that lift you up rather than bring you down. They will add an essential positive aspect to your day, and lead you to routinely think happy thoughts.
Confidence in yourself allows you to see that people really do enjoy being around you. It makes you realize that you are not alone, and that you never need someone to be constantly with you to make you a better person. You never need a second person to define you. Being yourself is always enough.
Don't be afraid to open up to people who wish to listen. Sharing your thoughts can be a huge outlet for your emotions, whether it be through art, talking, writing, sports or any other outlet that allows you to share with others what you may be holding inside. It's a good idea to exercise a couple of these activities, because the more you get out of your system, the happier you are. Find your "happy place" - physically or emotionally. If thinking of your ideal place helps you to calm down so you're able to reassess your situation, do it. If physically going somewhere to let yourself ponder your thoughts and possible solutions helps you make it through, then do that. Whatever it is that helps you, don't be afraid to perform the task often.
 

 Remember, there are always bright moments on a cloudy day, but you have to open your eyes to see them.

Sources:
Alison Finch, "Fed Up With Feeling Alone?," http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Finch3.html
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